Recently there have been a few stories of gay youth being bullied to the point of suicide in the United States. While this is unfortunately nothing new (studies showing that gay teens are four times more likely than their straight counterparts to commit suicide), it does, well, suck. It's great to see everyone from Lady Gaga to President Obama getting behind the cause of supporting gay teens with several organisations getting some much needed publicity.
To be honest I guess I've been kinda lucky in this respect. What kept me in the closet was essentially fear - I was worried about what people would think - what people would do. Luckily it turned out that, growing up, I had a family who supported me and friends that I could rely on. I'm not saying that I wasn't bullied, I definitely was. Ultimately I think what got me through the last few years at high school was the support of a select group of people who treated me just the same when I came out as beforehand - they realised that I was still the same person which allowed me to come out of my shell and be me. I was never physically abused, and I knew that, at the end of the day, I was going to leave the town behind and move on to new and better things.
And that's the point - it does get better. I now have a job I enjoy in a city that openly supports gay culture and a partner that loves me. I've met some great people and had experiences that I wouldn't necessarily have got the chance to if I was straight. I've been out of the closet for over ten years now and honestly I can't imagine ever going back in.
I think most importantly I've learned not to let my sexuality define who I am as a person. Yes, I'm a gay man that's a very small part of my identity. It's not that I'm not proud of my sexuality, I am. But the way I see it it's not something that I have any choice in - it's not something I've earned or had to work at, it's just who I am, it's no more or less a part of me than any other part of my personality.
Perhaps that has something to do with my generation - we have a lot to thank those who came before us, who've had to live through epidemics and seen their friends die, who've had to openly fight against laws that stopped them being who they are. The fight isn't over, but it's a damn sight better than it's ever been.
So for those who read this who might be having a hard time, I'm not going to tell you to come screaming out of the closet. I'm actually a little realistic in this respect. Coming out is often not the best solution, I know it sucks but that is the world we live in. What I can tell you is that (and I know that this is beginning to sound trite), as I said before, it gets better. High School sucks. It's awful, and it's not just me saying that. It's hard enough just learning who you are, then learning to deal with the stress of exams, social politics and bullying. But you can leave that behind. You will meet people who are interesting and supportive. There will be a whole world out there of experiences - of love, of happiness. Just stick it out for a little while longer.
And, should you need further help it is out there - the It Gets Better Project, the Trevor Project and, in New Zealand there is the university support groups and Gayline Wellington is a great place to start.
