Last night, I went for dinner at my partner's parents place. We had a lovely summery meal - lots of salads, corn on the cob, and a whole roast lamb cooked on the barbecue. The ever-gracious hostess had guests from the United States (Montana and Arizona, I believe), plus from the Wairarapa. We discussed travel, hunting, family, all the sort of things you'd discuss at a normal dinner party.
Then we caught the bus back into town. Now, I don't normally have a problem with public transport. But there's something... unnerving about an evening bus service on a Friday night. I feel uncomfortable - like if these young, slightly intoxicated passengers found out I was gay, i would be subject to taunting and even perhaps violence. Regardless of the truth of the nature - I'm sure most of the young people are friendly, accepting, modern young people - a gay man has to act as 'straight' as possible to avoid unknown threats. Now, anyone who knows me knows I'm not really that big a fan of public displays of affection, but still, it's uncomfortable thinking, 'what if they know? Am I giving off a gay vibe?'.
So it's within this context that I get genuinely disheartened when I read blog posts like Michelle Kaufman's "Big Gay Out: Politicians, children and human dignity?". For one, it feeds into this idea that being gay, being different is abnormal, that it's OK to discriminate against someone because they're different than you are. And it's this sort of discrimination and bigotry that makes people like me feel nervous when we're in unusual societal situations. And for those who may not yet fully understand their sexuality or have recently come out, reading comments like these from people who are supposed to love, support or represent them must be down right scary.
On top of this, the thing that Michelle doesn't seem to understand is that, just like there is no such thing as a specific Christian lifestyle, is that THERE IS NO SUCH THING IS A HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLE. While an event like Big Gay Out, Auckland Pride or pride events in general are great at increasing visibility for GLBTI issues in our society in general, no one event, no one organisation can claim to speak for all queer folk everywhere. Just like the Catholic Church, or Family Life International cannot claim to speak for all Christians everywhere.
There are so many different kinds of queer folk. Undoubtedly, there are GLBTI families who have decided not to go to these events because they're not ready yet to expose their children to sex education, just as much as there are families who do go. There are GLBTI individuals who choose not to go to these events because they don't, for whatever reason, feel events like these represent them.
When you have individuals railing against these sort of events, asking how politicians can 'endorse these behaviours', they are isolating the Christian communities from families who very well might share their beliefs - monogomy, marriage, raising children in a loving two-parent family, even faith and a belief in God. You are pushing them away from the flock.
We are a nation of individuals. GLBTI individuals and families are not only nothing to fear, but many simply wish to live in a very similar way to you - as a well-balanced, happy family, the basis of which is the same as many 'Christian value' families - love. When discriminatory, hateful rants like this are posted, you do more damage to your cause than good.
Showing posts with label gay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gay. Show all posts
Friday, February 14, 2014
Friday, October 22, 2010
Re. It Gets Better
Recently there have been a few stories of gay youth being bullied to the point of suicide in the United States. While this is unfortunately nothing new (studies showing that gay teens are four times more likely than their straight counterparts to commit suicide), it does, well, suck. It's great to see everyone from Lady Gaga to President Obama getting behind the cause of supporting gay teens with several organisations getting some much needed publicity.
To be honest I guess I've been kinda lucky in this respect. What kept me in the closet was essentially fear - I was worried about what people would think - what people would do. Luckily it turned out that, growing up, I had a family who supported me and friends that I could rely on. I'm not saying that I wasn't bullied, I definitely was. Ultimately I think what got me through the last few years at high school was the support of a select group of people who treated me just the same when I came out as beforehand - they realised that I was still the same person which allowed me to come out of my shell and be me. I was never physically abused, and I knew that, at the end of the day, I was going to leave the town behind and move on to new and better things.
And that's the point - it does get better. I now have a job I enjoy in a city that openly supports gay culture and a partner that loves me. I've met some great people and had experiences that I wouldn't necessarily have got the chance to if I was straight. I've been out of the closet for over ten years now and honestly I can't imagine ever going back in.
I think most importantly I've learned not to let my sexuality define who I am as a person. Yes, I'm a gay man that's a very small part of my identity. It's not that I'm not proud of my sexuality, I am. But the way I see it it's not something that I have any choice in - it's not something I've earned or had to work at, it's just who I am, it's no more or less a part of me than any other part of my personality.
Perhaps that has something to do with my generation - we have a lot to thank those who came before us, who've had to live through epidemics and seen their friends die, who've had to openly fight against laws that stopped them being who they are. The fight isn't over, but it's a damn sight better than it's ever been.
So for those who read this who might be having a hard time, I'm not going to tell you to come screaming out of the closet. I'm actually a little realistic in this respect. Coming out is often not the best solution, I know it sucks but that is the world we live in. What I can tell you is that (and I know that this is beginning to sound trite), as I said before, it gets better. High School sucks. It's awful, and it's not just me saying that. It's hard enough just learning who you are, then learning to deal with the stress of exams, social politics and bullying. But you can leave that behind. You will meet people who are interesting and supportive. There will be a whole world out there of experiences - of love, of happiness. Just stick it out for a little while longer.
And, should you need further help it is out there - the It Gets Better Project, the Trevor Project and, in New Zealand there is the university support groups and Gayline Wellington is a great place to start.
To be honest I guess I've been kinda lucky in this respect. What kept me in the closet was essentially fear - I was worried about what people would think - what people would do. Luckily it turned out that, growing up, I had a family who supported me and friends that I could rely on. I'm not saying that I wasn't bullied, I definitely was. Ultimately I think what got me through the last few years at high school was the support of a select group of people who treated me just the same when I came out as beforehand - they realised that I was still the same person which allowed me to come out of my shell and be me. I was never physically abused, and I knew that, at the end of the day, I was going to leave the town behind and move on to new and better things.
And that's the point - it does get better. I now have a job I enjoy in a city that openly supports gay culture and a partner that loves me. I've met some great people and had experiences that I wouldn't necessarily have got the chance to if I was straight. I've been out of the closet for over ten years now and honestly I can't imagine ever going back in.
I think most importantly I've learned not to let my sexuality define who I am as a person. Yes, I'm a gay man that's a very small part of my identity. It's not that I'm not proud of my sexuality, I am. But the way I see it it's not something that I have any choice in - it's not something I've earned or had to work at, it's just who I am, it's no more or less a part of me than any other part of my personality.
Perhaps that has something to do with my generation - we have a lot to thank those who came before us, who've had to live through epidemics and seen their friends die, who've had to openly fight against laws that stopped them being who they are. The fight isn't over, but it's a damn sight better than it's ever been.
So for those who read this who might be having a hard time, I'm not going to tell you to come screaming out of the closet. I'm actually a little realistic in this respect. Coming out is often not the best solution, I know it sucks but that is the world we live in. What I can tell you is that (and I know that this is beginning to sound trite), as I said before, it gets better. High School sucks. It's awful, and it's not just me saying that. It's hard enough just learning who you are, then learning to deal with the stress of exams, social politics and bullying. But you can leave that behind. You will meet people who are interesting and supportive. There will be a whole world out there of experiences - of love, of happiness. Just stick it out for a little while longer.
And, should you need further help it is out there - the It Gets Better Project, the Trevor Project and, in New Zealand there is the university support groups and Gayline Wellington is a great place to start.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
I'm lovin' it... or am I?
A bit of old news however McDonald's France has brought out a 'Gay Friendly advertisement:
Now, I must admit I do rather like this ad! It's portraying gay teens without revolting stereotypes and deals (albeit only lightly) with the difficult situation of coming out to parents who you don't think will accept you for who you are. Alternatively of course it could be argued that he's just not ready yet - we're not really sure of the history, relationship... it's 30 seconds for goodness sake!
There has been some criticism of this advertisement from gay media arguing that it's a blatant attempt to gain some of that lucrative pink dollar. Of course this is a commercial attempt to tap into the gay market! It's McDonalds, that's to be expected, they're all about the money. But I think the subject matter has been dealt with in an effective way - there's no flailing wrists, no lisp, no in-your-face-ness about this. In fact nowhere in the ad is it even obviously mentioned that the kid is gay, it's simply very clearly implied. I think the ad makes a greater point of inclusion regardless of who you are than an obvious 'we're gay friendly' stand.
What I find interesting (albeit unsurprising) is the way that McDonald's US has dealt with the subject matter, essentially stating in no uncertain terms that it has no interest whatsoever in screening the ad Stateside.
On one hand, this runs the risk of irritating the gay community, which compromises of about 10 million Americans (conservative estimate only based upon less than a 4% calculation). McDonald's has traditionally been quite a strong supporter of the GLB cause, including donating money to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. On the other hand, it may not be such a stupid response for McDonald's (or, for that matter, any company in the states) to take commercially speaking. As much as I hate to admit it, this stance could actually help their sales. When Ford took a supportive stance over gay rights, lobby groups helped to drop its sales by 8% per month. Playing the conservative card in an economic recession is probably the safer bet.
However this ad and others like it give me hope. It's nice to see gay people being treated as individuals, not just fitting into a nice comfortable box. I can't, off the top of my head, think of anything like this being screened in NZ on any of the major networks (I'm happy to be proven wrong), so hopefully we'll get to see something like this before too long.
Now, I must admit I do rather like this ad! It's portraying gay teens without revolting stereotypes and deals (albeit only lightly) with the difficult situation of coming out to parents who you don't think will accept you for who you are. Alternatively of course it could be argued that he's just not ready yet - we're not really sure of the history, relationship... it's 30 seconds for goodness sake!
There has been some criticism of this advertisement from gay media arguing that it's a blatant attempt to gain some of that lucrative pink dollar. Of course this is a commercial attempt to tap into the gay market! It's McDonalds, that's to be expected, they're all about the money. But I think the subject matter has been dealt with in an effective way - there's no flailing wrists, no lisp, no in-your-face-ness about this. In fact nowhere in the ad is it even obviously mentioned that the kid is gay, it's simply very clearly implied. I think the ad makes a greater point of inclusion regardless of who you are than an obvious 'we're gay friendly' stand.
What I find interesting (albeit unsurprising) is the way that McDonald's US has dealt with the subject matter, essentially stating in no uncertain terms that it has no interest whatsoever in screening the ad Stateside.
On one hand, this runs the risk of irritating the gay community, which compromises of about 10 million Americans (conservative estimate only based upon less than a 4% calculation). McDonald's has traditionally been quite a strong supporter of the GLB cause, including donating money to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. On the other hand, it may not be such a stupid response for McDonald's (or, for that matter, any company in the states) to take commercially speaking. As much as I hate to admit it, this stance could actually help their sales. When Ford took a supportive stance over gay rights, lobby groups helped to drop its sales by 8% per month. Playing the conservative card in an economic recession is probably the safer bet.
However this ad and others like it give me hope. It's nice to see gay people being treated as individuals, not just fitting into a nice comfortable box. I can't, off the top of my head, think of anything like this being screened in NZ on any of the major networks (I'm happy to be proven wrong), so hopefully we'll get to see something like this before too long.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
So this whole Ricky Martin thing...
Okay, to start off with, the Latin heart throb of the late nineties has decided to come out of the closet. The revelation started off on his blog that he is a, quote, 'fortunate homosexual man'. Of course, this has taken off in the twitter and blogosphere like nobody's business, hell, you're reading about it in a blog by a gay man in New Zealand.
Now, the way I see it, there are three important aspects to this story:
Firstly, short and sweet, Really? Did anyone NOT know this?
Second, the way that announcements like this is considered 'news' concerns me slightly. For instance, let's look at the Times coverage of this. ALL they've done is taken the pertinent, best written aspects of Ricky's journal, fluffed it out a little with their own wording and then presented this as news.
Finally, while I admire Ricky for choosing to come out of the closet, BELIEVE ME, I know how difficult this can be and I think he's outlined his reasons pretty clearly, what irritates me the most is that it's taken him, what, 10-15 years to do so?
I (as shameful as it is to admit this), came out while he was at the top of his game and absolutely adored him as a teenage boy. To this day, Private Emotion is one of my favourite songs. However, and I know retrospect is 20/20, my image of gay men when I was growing up in a small town in Backwater New Zealand was what I saw around me - older, slightly skeezy gay men. To have had a public figure who was young, attractive, popular and successful as a role model, well, I don't think it would have hurt...
Having moved to Wellington at 18 and immersing myself in what is a very liberal city, I now have plenty of openly gay friends and role models, people I have, and still do to a certain extent, look up to. Successful gay men and women in a range of disciplines. But for young men growing up, it's disappointing that it's still seen as a hindrance to one's career and aspirations. Ricky has come out and had support on a lot of fronts, and rightly so - as mentioned earlier, this is a difficult decision for him to have made. However, I can't help but think this may do more harm than good - if I was a young man thinking about coming out and I heard this, it might possibly push me back deeper into the closet - "Well, Ricky Martin chose to keep himself hidden to have a career, perhaps I should too?".
Or perhaps I'm totally off the mark. Perhaps our society has enough gay role models these days - Ellen DeGeneres, Anderson Cooper, Allan Cumming just to name a few, and maybe we've come far enough as a society, that this will be but a blip on the radar. I really hope that this is the case.
Now, the way I see it, there are three important aspects to this story:
Firstly, short and sweet, Really? Did anyone NOT know this?
Second, the way that announcements like this is considered 'news' concerns me slightly. For instance, let's look at the Times coverage of this. ALL they've done is taken the pertinent, best written aspects of Ricky's journal, fluffed it out a little with their own wording and then presented this as news.
Finally, while I admire Ricky for choosing to come out of the closet, BELIEVE ME, I know how difficult this can be and I think he's outlined his reasons pretty clearly, what irritates me the most is that it's taken him, what, 10-15 years to do so?
I (as shameful as it is to admit this), came out while he was at the top of his game and absolutely adored him as a teenage boy. To this day, Private Emotion is one of my favourite songs. However, and I know retrospect is 20/20, my image of gay men when I was growing up in a small town in Backwater New Zealand was what I saw around me - older, slightly skeezy gay men. To have had a public figure who was young, attractive, popular and successful as a role model, well, I don't think it would have hurt...
Having moved to Wellington at 18 and immersing myself in what is a very liberal city, I now have plenty of openly gay friends and role models, people I have, and still do to a certain extent, look up to. Successful gay men and women in a range of disciplines. But for young men growing up, it's disappointing that it's still seen as a hindrance to one's career and aspirations. Ricky has come out and had support on a lot of fronts, and rightly so - as mentioned earlier, this is a difficult decision for him to have made. However, I can't help but think this may do more harm than good - if I was a young man thinking about coming out and I heard this, it might possibly push me back deeper into the closet - "Well, Ricky Martin chose to keep himself hidden to have a career, perhaps I should too?".
Or perhaps I'm totally off the mark. Perhaps our society has enough gay role models these days - Ellen DeGeneres, Anderson Cooper, Allan Cumming just to name a few, and maybe we've come far enough as a society, that this will be but a blip on the radar. I really hope that this is the case.
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